“He’s an angry hobbit! What can I do?!”
“He has small hands, and you know what they say about men with small hands….women don’t want to ride that ride”
(about her actor client Justin Shenkarow)

A girl signing up says she’s 25. Patti replies “You’ve been 25 for 10 years.”

“No one wears a belt in LA except a twiglet, anorexic crack smoking whore”

“What happened to me? My boobs got into the room before I did”

“The minute you make a guy work for it, the boys will disappear and the men will step up”

“In the end, men always let the pecker do the picking”

“Every 10 expects a 10, and the only way you’re gonna get a 10 is if you become a 10. There’s no exception to that rule.”

“Women are like crockpots they heat up real slowly to a nice simmer, men are like microwave they go A to Z schwing.”